Nose hair trimmer for the apocalypse

Photo: The manufacturer boldly describes this as “the future of manscaping”

Just because it doesn’t have a keyboard, display, touchscreen, or run software doesn’t mean it’s not technology.

Like me, you have probably assembled a stash of items for the coming apocalypse. But in our modern age, everything needs batteries and that just won’t do. So in case you’re missing a nose hair trimmer in your emergency suitcase, here’s one for you.

It’s called the Groom Mate Platinum XL and has the following features:

• The manufacturer only makes nose hair trimmers. Really.
• It’s called Platinum XL there is no Gold or Silver and no sizes other than XL. I guess they feel like everyone has big noses.
• It requires no batteries. Apocalypse points!
• It’s an excellent conversation piece if you set it pretty much anywhere.
• It trims nose hairs effectively if you follow the instructions of Amazon reviewer Scott McDonald: “Insert. QUICKLY Twist-Twist-Twist-Twist. Remove” 
• It rips nose hairs out by the roots if you don’t follow the instructions of Amazon reviewer Scott McDonald. Could this be a form of permanent hair removal?
• The company’s slogan is “Trim Your Nose: The Future of Manscaping”

As an avid user, I love this product and feel so much more prepared for the apocalypse than anyone I know. Of course, perhaps nose hairs will be trendy then and I’ll have no advantage over others.

So, this is a serious review despite the subject matter. Buy it!